No is a Four-Letter Word Read online

  NO

  IS A

  FOUR-

  LETTER

  WORD

  HOW I FAILED SPELLING

  BUT SUCCEEDED IN LIFE

  CHRIS JERICHO

  This book is dedicated to all of you with a dream!

  Don’t listen to people who say you can’t make it happen . . . because I’m living proof that YOU CAN.

  This book is also dedicated to Lemmy.

  Pirate. Rebel. Philosopher. Friend.

  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Dedication

  List of Illustrations

  Foreword by Paul Stanley

  Introduction: No Is a Four-Letter Word

  1. The Mike Damone Principle

  2. The Jericho Principle

  3. The Keith Richards Principle

  4. The Vince McMahon Principle

  5. The Richard Hayden Principle

  6. The Negro Casas Principle (aka The Bad Cow Incident)

  7. The Yoda Principle

  8. The Paul Stanley Principle

  9. The Viv Savage Principle

  10. The Twelfth Ninja Principle

  11. The Groundlings Principle

  12. The Brian Pillman Principle

  13. The America’s Funniest Home Videos Principle

  14. The Mike Lozanski Principle

  15. The Ted Irvine Principle

  16. The Shep Gordon Principle

  17. The Ronnie James Dio Principle

  (aka The Ellsworth Edict)

  18. The Gene Simmons Principle

  19. The Steve Austin Principle

  20. The Bowie Principle

  Epilogue: Goodbye . . . If Only for Now

  Acknowledgments

  Illustrations

  Copyright

  List of Illustrations

  When Metal Hammer magazine accused Fozzy of being “heavy as lettuce,” we responded by mailing them an actual head of lettuce and a lovely blue and-white-checked napkin. (Photo by Jack Slade)

  Just as this picture was taken, Gene was reacting to the news that it was Speewee’s birthday. “Who gives a shit,” he said . . . then stuck his tongue (apparently) down Speewee’s throat. (Photo by Paul Stanley)

  Lemmy and I salute you! Even though I’ve got some serious bedhead in this pic, Lem and I had a blast smoking cigs, drinking vodka, and talking rock ’n’ roll all afternoon in his apartment. (Photo by Cheryl Keuleman)

  I flew Don, Lance, and Lenny to New York City to celebrate my twenty-fifth anniversary with me. We had a blast and Lance actually laughed . . . more than once! (Photo by random dude in the hotel lobby)

  One of the greatest weeks of our career was playing with KISS on their Kruise in 2015. Frank was so excited, but sad that he didn’t get to do his Paul Stanley imitation for the Starchild. I was sad that Gene didn’t fully French kiss me. (Photo by Will Byington)

  I paid ten bucks for this piece drawn by a street artist when Lance, me, Don, and Lenny ate in a New York City diner in 2015. Hope the guy used the ten bucks on art lessons. (Photo by Jericho)

  Big Show and I realize we aren’t in Kansas anymore . . . or anywhere that allows women into WWE shows. Being in Saudi Arabia made me uncomfortable. (I always forget how huge Show is until I see him standing next to me in a pic.) (Photo by Kane)

  Frank and me with Lionel (who survived the Bataclan terrorist attack in Paris only one week earlier) in Vauréal, France.

  He refused to miss the Fozzy concert even though the entire country was in unrest. (Photo by Rich Ward)

  Billy Grey and I see a mouse onstage at a Fozzy gig in Wales. (Photo by Darren Griffiths)

  Jammin’ “Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers” with Scott Ian and Slash at Lemmy’s seventieth birthday party at the Whiskey in Los Angeles. Lem passed away only a couple of weeks later. (Photo by random rocker at the Whiskey)

  I love this pic of me and Keef. He asked me what my good side was because “I’m sixty-nine years old . . . I don’t have a good side!” He also smelled really good. (Photo by Jimmy Fallon)

  Paul and I rejoice after finding out we have no cavities at the grand opening of the Oviedo, Florida, Rock & Brews. (Photo by Speewee)

  The team of Jericho and Styles was amazing, even if the official T-shirt was not. If you have one, in a few years it’ll either be a valuable collector’s item or this generation’s version of a Moppy shirt. (Photo by Xavier Woods)

  The calm before the WrestleMania storm at AT&T Stadium in Arlington . . . and in the eye of the storm only a few hours later. (Photo courtesy of World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.)

  Ambrose torments me in Salt Lake City, as a stupid idiot fan in the front row captures my pain. (Photo by Stupid Idiot Fan)

  My dad hasn’t quite grasped the concept of the “Selfie Stare” yet. But he’s the Baby Faced Assassin, so he can do whatever the hell he wants. (Photo by Jericho)

  Stepping out of a limo in Tokyo at 7 a.m. with a drink in hand. Well, my middle name IS Keith . . . (Photo by Orlando Colon)

  Who says faces have to be in the picture for it to count as a classic shot? Sir Paul and I mimic his famous Sgt. Pepper pose and turn the backs of our heads toward the camera at the 2015 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. (Photo by Mr. Kite)

  Mike Lozanski and I conquered Monterrey, Mexico, together and were inseparable. We lived together, drank together, and wore cheesy tassled ring jackets together.

  I miss him. (Photo by Corazon De Leon fan)

  Sixty-nine tacks punctured my flesh during the Asylum match . . . and it was MY choice to take the bump! What a way to make a living. (Photo courtesy of World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.)

  After a picture of the tack bump went viral, dozens of hilarious Photoshopped memes appeared online, including the “Creation of the Tack Bump” and “The Fifth Beatle.” (Memes by creative Friends of Jericho)

  With my beautiful family snorkeling in Maui. Jessica, Cheyenne, Ash, Sierra, and I enjoyed Shep Gordon’s hospitality to the max, and we will never forget him or his wonderful assistant Nancy Meola. “Aloha, Shep!” (Photo by snorkel boat captain)

  You’ll believe a man can fly . . . or at least jump off a twenty-foot steel cage at forty-three years old. I’d do it today too if it made for a better match. (Photo courtesy of World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.)

  Scarves, vests, and clipboards . . . I’m at the point in my career where I have the confidence to take a chance and get almost anything over. Which is a good thing, because I’d look absolutely ridiculous if I didn’t! (Photo courtesy of World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.)

  Here’s the move that I single-handedly got unbanned by Vince McMahon. Funny thing is, it’s so easy to take and gets such a great reaction that I’d take it every night if I had to. (Photo courtesy of World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc.)

  FOREWORD

  Anything is possible if it IS truly possible.

  With few exceptions, we all know our limitations and what we are capable of achieving.

  What stands in the way of reaching our goals is our own self-doubt—self-doubt too often rooted in the voices and actions of the naysayers, whose own failures make them feel threatened by the possibility of you succeeding.

  Chris Irvine BECAME Chris Jericho. Not overnight and not without obstacles. Though repeatedly told that he was too short to be a wrestler, he was undeterred.

  Show me someone of any height who is motivated by self-determination and self-belief and I’ll show you an unstoppable giant.

  While it’s too simplistic to think that someone can tell you how you, too, can become successful, it can nonetheless be a source of inspiration to find your path by knowing how others have found theirs. And in Chris’s case, he is a bright and funny guy whose “can do” spir
it and appreciation for his own success makes him the kind of person you want to know.

  Positivity breeds positivity.

  Enjoy.

  Paul Stanley

  KISS

  INTRODUCTION

  NO

  IS A

  FOUR-

  LETTER

  WORD

  LET’S GET IT STARTED IN HERE!

  No, no, no, don’t say you can’t when you can . . .

  —KISS, “NO, NO, NO”

  (Gene Simmons, Bruce Kulick, Eric Carr)

  A prerequisite of being a heavy metal kid in the 1980s was watching music videos, and one of the first bands that effectively utilized this new medium to the highest degree was Twisted Sister. TS filmed mini-movie intros to their videos that set the stage for the song, and the best example of this was the prelude for their 1984 monster hit “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” The video opened with a kid playing air guitar in his room (a ritual that I was also guilty of at the time), until the kid’s militant dad (I recognized him instantly as Niedermeyer from Animal House) bursts into the room and berates him for wasting his time in hoping that his rock ’n’ roll dreams come true. Towering over his son, he gives him the bollocking of his young life, and then demands to know the answer to one simple question:

  “WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO WITH YOUR LIFE??”

  The kid looks sheepishly up at his parental torturer and barks back (in Dee Snider’s voice) these three magic words:

  “I WANNA ROCK!”

  Then he strums a majestic power chord on his axe and blows his dad out of the second-story window as the song’s iconic drum intro kicks in. While I never caused my dad great bodily harm by torpedoing him out of a second-floor window, I do remember having a similar answer when he asked me what I wanted to do with my life.

  However, in my case the answer was a little more detailed. Yes, I wanted to rock . . . but I also wanted to wrestle.

  You see, I decided when I was twelve years old that I loved both of these equally and therefore was going to succeed at both. I never thought about what the odds were in making it in even one of these vocations, never mind the two of them. But I also didn’t care. All I knew was that I wanted to rock and wrestle and wasn’t interested in much else.

  Well, here we are thirty-five years later in 2017 and lo and behold, good golly Miss Molly—here I am living both my dreams at the highest of levels. Now, even though my success in wrestling is obviously bigger than my success with Fozzy, my band has done a damn good job fighting our way into the big leagues as well. We aren’t KISS or Metallica, but we’ve toured with both and held our own, so I’d say that’s pretty freakin’ good, wouldn’t you agree?

  If you do, your million-dollar question might be, “How did you achieve both of your dreams?” Well, for a long time I didn’t really have a specific answer; I wanted to be a rocker and wrestler, so I did it. But when the idea of this book was pitched to me by my marvelous literary agent, Marc Gerald, I realized there was a whole lot more to the story of how I got to where I am today than I originally thought.

  After much deliberation, I was able to distill the secret of my success (and I ain’t talkin’ about Michael J. Fox) into twenty simple principles, or rules if you wheeel, that can help you achieve your dreams too. Whether you’re looking to get a promotion, land a certain gig, meet the girl or guy of your dreams, or become the first-ever undisputed world champion (actually, scratch that last one, I beat you to it), I think this book will help you.

  One of the first things I came up with was the title. It popped into my head early on in the process, because the lesson contained within those six words is fundamental to everything I’ve achieved. The secret is simple, because “no” really is a four-letter word. Those two runes combined form the most crippling weapon in the English language, an idiom so evil that it has the power to derail even the most dedicated of people and crush their dreams in a split second. It’s a word even more repugnant than the most abrasive of profanities, and my whole life I’ve wanted nothing to do with it.

  And let me clarify: this isn’t about not taking no for an answer from the girl you want to invite to the sock hop or take out for dinner at the El Pollo Loco. I’ve accepted those type of no’s more times than I’d like to admit. What I’m talking about is not accepting no for an answer when it comes to what you want out of your life and career—that’s the kind of no I’ve never bowed down to. And that’s where the idea to write this tome came from.

  This book started as a list of twenty lessons I’ve learned that have guided me through my life and career. Some have more importance than others depending on the moral, and others didn’t make the final cut because they just weren’t exciting enough to write about (you’ll have to wait for volume two to read The Bob Backlund Principle: Save Your Money).

  Some of the axioms in this vade mecum were learned from my parents, others came from various mentors along the way, and others were taught the hardest way of all: by trying, failing, learning, and doing better the next time. My list of rules comes from different sources for sure, but all of them combined form a cohesive philosophy. I know these dictums have helped me immensely in my life, and I’m certain they can help you too.

  Now, it’s not like you’re going to be reading the Dead Sea Scrolls or the Necronomicon, but if a few of these chapters influence your life in a positive way and help you become a happier person, then both of us will have gained something.

  This is my motivational book. There are many motivational books like it, but this one is mine. My motivational book is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. Without me, my motivational book is useless and without my motivational book, I am useless, ya dig?

  All right, enough of my yacking. It’s time to turn the page (and I ain’t talkin’ about Bob Seger) and get started. LET’S BOOGIE!

  CHAPTER 1

  THE

  MIKE

  DAMONE

  PRINCIPLE

  WHEREVER YOU ARE,

  THAT’S THE PLACE TO BE

  The chance you got comes never twice,

  do your best (and) do it right . . .

  —HELLOWEEN, “THE CHANCE”

  (Roland Grapow)

  Mike Damone is one of the coolest characters in cinematic history and if you don’t agree, well then, you don’t know Jack . . . or should I say Mike.

  What I’m saying is if you haven’t seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High, I highly recommend that you check it out, as the story and characters are flawless. For those of you cool cats who have seen it, you might be more familiar with Sean Penn’s Jeff Spicoli (“Awesome. Totally awesome!”) or Judge Reinhold’s Brad Hamilton (“I hope you had a hell of a piss, Arnold!”), but the quote I always identified with the most was by Robert Romanus’s Mike Damone.

  Damone was a Fonz-esque ne’er-do-well who would just as easily swindle you for overpriced scalped Earth, Wind & Fire tickets as he would give you sagelike life advice. He walked the face of the mall doling out nuggets of straight fire to his nerdy protégé, Mark Ratner, on a number of subjects, especially on how to pick up girls. When Rat is having problems figuring out a way to break the ice with his high school crush, Stacy (who Damone ends up banging in a pool cabana), Mike gives him a bunch of tips on how to make it happen. Having attitude and confidence, ordering for the lady in the restaurant, and making out to Led Zeppelin IV are all on this magic list, but it’s his next tip that stood out the most, because it applies to a whole lot more than just picking up Stacy Hamilton.

  “Wherever you are, that’s the place to be,” Mike proclaims as he majestically surveys his surroundings, spreading out his arms regally with a giant grin on his face.

  “Isn’t this GREAT?” he continues joyously.

  It’s a brilliant piece of advice that can be used in all situations, because what Damone is saying is that no matter what you’re doing or where you are, you need to act like it’s the best place on earth and make the best of what you’re giv
en.

  Now, for example, if you take Damone’s words and apply them to an assignment given to you by your boss (no matter how big or small), imagine how much more fire you will have to get it done! In my lines of work, it can be frustrating to only have a few minutes on Raw or a short set at a rock festival to show the crowd what I’ve got. But much like a fourth-line player on a great hockey team, if you perform that smaller role well, your team will win and you’ll probably get a bigger role next time.

  When I last saw you, Constant Reader, at the end of my third magnum opus, The Best in the World: At What I Have No Idea, I had just been announced in the 2013 Royal Rumble as a surprise entrant. It was one of my favorite WWE moments, as it was a legit surprise for the sold-out crowd in Phoenix, and they went totally ballistic when I walked onto the stage.

  That Rumble appearance was going to be the beginning of a multi-month storyline that would lead to me working against Ryback at WrestleMania 29. While that might not seem like such a big deal now, in 2013 it would’ve been a big match.

  At the time, Ryback’s star had risen to where I feel if he had won the world title, the WWE Universe would’ve bought into it big time. He was so over that I even imagined a scenario where he would win the WWE Championship from CM Punk in October and go on to face The Undertaker in April at WrestleMania 29. Facing Taker at the biggest show of the year was a huge honor— the Holy Grail even—and I felt with his push and current momentum that The Big Guy was explosive and powerful enough to be a formidable Mania dance partner for The Deadman.

  For whatever reason, things didn’t go that way. Ryback lost to Punk and didn’t win the world championship. But he was still over in a big way, and I thought a great way to build him back up again would be to work with me. When I pitched the story to the creative team for me to come back for a six-month run through Mania ending at SummerSlam, my two tent-pole ideas were a surprise return at the Rumble and a Mania match with Ryback.

  After I returned, I worked the first few months against random opponents, including an Elimination Chamber match that was so uneventful I had to google it to remember who else was in it. I figured that my angle with Ryback would begin shortly after, as the road to WrestleMania always started the day after the Chamber PPV. But it didn’t and Ryback seemed to be moving toward a storyline with Mark Henry. That confused me because even though my match had already been approved by my boss, Vince McMahon, I wasn’t hearing anything about it from anybody. Finally, I called head writer Dave Kapoor to find out what was going down. It turned out my suspicion was correct.